Divorce can leave behind a trail of emotions, but one thing I never expected after mine was a bill from my ex-husband’s new wife for “expenses caused by me.” After being divorced from Matt for two years, life seemed to have moved on. That was until I received an email from his new wife, Stephanie, detailing the expenses she thought I owed her. I was stunned—but the response I crafted was something I’ll never forget.
A New Beginning After Divorce
After Matt and I separated, I was determined to live my life without drama. I relished in the quiet comfort of my cozy home and routine. It felt like a fresh start. But when I look back at our relationship, it’s clear why we didn’t work out. I was looking for a partner, someone to share responsibilities with, but Matt was looking for someone to take care of him.
During the early days of dating, Matt seemed perfect—charming, responsible, and independent. His apartment was spotless, and I admired his ability to stay organized. It felt like I had found someone who had their life together.
But once we got married, that image started to crumble. The first sign was something as simple as a towel left on the floor.
“Hey, Matt, don’t forget your towel,” I reminded him, laughing.
“I’ll be more careful,” he promised.
Spoiler alert: He wasn’t.
Soon, the towels turned into piles of dirty laundry, half-finished projects, and constant reminders about basic tasks. I found myself juggling responsibilities—everything from scheduling his doctor’s appointments to rewriting his resume. Then he lost his job.
“They were too strict anyway,” he shrugged. “I’ll find something better.” But he didn’t. Instead, he launched a “side hustle” that barely covered his snack budget, leaving me to cover all the bills. One night, after cleaning up yet another mess he had left, I Googled “how to encourage a grown man to be responsible” at 2 a.m.
That’s when it hit me—I wasn’t his wife. I was his mother. That realization marked the end of our marriage.
The Unexpected Drama After Divorce
Our divorce was amicable—at least, that’s what I thought. Matt quickly remarried, this time to Stephanie, a woman I had only met briefly before their wedding. Let me just say, Stephanie is… well, let’s call her a “character.”
She’s the type of person who posts daily “queen energy” quotes on social media, claiming to embrace self-love, though it often felt more like an excuse to be petty. Our only real interaction came right before their wedding, and it was, well, unforgettable.
One morning, I received an invite to their wedding, which I assumed was a mistake. But before I could toss it, my phone rang, and it was Stephanie.
“Hi, Emma! This is Stephanie! I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time!” she chirped.
I was confused but replied, “Uh… no?”
She proceeded to ask me to send her old photos of me and Matt for their wedding slideshow, along with details about his likes and dislikes to help personalize her vows.
I couldn’t believe it. “That’s gonna be a no from me,” I said, ending the call.
Looking back, I should have blocked her right then and there. But curiosity kept me watching the unfolding drama from a distance. The wedding was a spectacle of pettiness, with the maid of honor’s speech making a not-so-subtle dig at me. The slideshow was a “before and after” montage, showing Matt’s life as dull and lifeless with me and colorful and vibrant with Stephanie. It was cringe-worthy, but I shrugged it off.
The Invoice That Shocked Me
Then, one month ago, I received an email with the subject: Invoice for Outstanding Expenses. At first, I thought it was spam, but to my surprise, it was a detailed bill from Stephanie. In the email, she listed over $5,000 worth of expenses she felt I owed her for “fixing” Matt. Here’s a breakdown of some of the charges:
- $300 for Matt’s eye doctor appointment and new glasses, which she claimed I should have noticed earlier.
- $2,500 for a new wardrobe because she thought his clothes were outdated and unflattering.
- $200 for therapy sessions to “undo the emotional damage caused by my lack of support.”
- $500 for a fitness coach to “rebuild his self-esteem.”
- $1,000 for a new mattress to replace the one I bought, which supposedly gave him back pain.
- $100 for a meal-planning course to teach him how to eat better.
The total? Over $5,000. And to top it off, Stephanie ended the email with a note saying: “As his wife, I’ve invested heavily in fixing him. It’s only fair you contribute.”
I was in disbelief. Who sends their husband’s ex-wife a bill?
My Response: A Counter-Invoice
At first, I drafted a scathing reply. But then I had a better idea—I wasn’t going to pay, but I was going to have some fun. Instead, I sent her a counter-invoice.
Subject: Response to Invoice for Outstanding Expenses
Dear Stephanie,
Thank you for your detailed email. It was quite entertaining to read! However, I noticed a few expenses that you missed, so I’ve taken the liberty of compiling my own counter-invoice:
Regarding the eye doctor appointment, Matt refused to go for years because he didn’t want to look “nerdy.” I’m glad you managed to convince him otherwise. As for the wardrobe—Matt had a collection of ironic graphic tees that he loved, including one that said, “Taco Tuesday Is My Religion.” I didn’t see the need to argue over his fashion choices.
Regarding the therapy? I fully support his self-improvement. I’m just surprised it took this long. I hope his therapist is helping him work through his fear of putting the toilet seat down. Now, the mattress… Ah yes, the one with built-in cup holders. That was Matt’s dream purchase for “gaming nights.” I’m sure the new one is a much better fit.
And as for the meal-planning course, I didn’t realize it took professional training to understand that vegetables are good for you. Perhaps I should’ve hired a life coach to teach him how to load the dishwasher properly. But since we’re discussing expenses, here’s my counter-invoice:
- $10,000 for managing all household responsibilities while Matt played video games for five years.
- $15,000 for emotional labor, including reminding him to call his mom, go to the dentist, and pay his bills.
- $5,000 for brain cells lost while listening to his business ideas—like the app that matches people by their favorite pizza toppings.
Total: $30,000.
Payable in full by next Friday.
Warm regards,
Your predecessor
I hit send, and the drama didn’t stop there. Just for fun, I CC’d a few mutual friends. Within hours, my phone blew up with messages of support. “This is legendary! I’m framing this and hanging it in my kitchen!”
Stephanie, of course, lost it. She tried to justify herself, but the more she spoke, the worse she sounded.
The Apology That Came Too Late
Eventually, Matt called. “Emma… I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I had no idea she’d do that.”
It was the first apology I’d ever received from him. “It’s fine,” I said. “Just make sure you pay that invoice.”
At a party a few weeks later, someone asked Matt if he had paid me back for all the emotional labor. He turned bright red and left early.
Now, whenever Stephanie’s name comes up, someone inevitably says: “Oh, you mean the one with the bill?” And you know what? I regret nothing.
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This article provides an in-depth look at the drama that unfolded after a divorce, while sprinkling in humor and personal reflection. If you’re looking to laugh at a crazy situation and get a bit of payback inspiration, this story is sure to entertain!
