When I was a little girl, my mother taught me a simple but powerful parenting tool: a secret code word. The idea was simple—if I ever felt unsafe or uncomfortable, and couldn’t speak up, I could use this code word to alert her that something was wrong. Years later, when I became a mother, I decided to pass this important lesson on to my own daughter. Together, we came up with our own code word, not knowing how soon it would come into play.
A Moment of Fear
My daughter, Amy, spends time between my home and her dad’s, my ex-husband, Dave. Despite our differences, I knew Dave would never harm her, and I trusted him as a father. That’s why I was completely shocked and terrified when Amy used our code word while staying with him one day.
I received a phone call from Dave, who said, “Hey, Amy wants to talk to you.” When she got on the phone, I asked her how her day had gone. Amy seemed cheerful at first, mentioning how fun it had been at the park and how she’d been drawing pictures. But then she said something that made my heart drop:
“I wish I could have a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.”
I instantly recognized it—“blueberries” was our code word. My daughter had used it, and my heart sank. Was she in danger? Was something wrong?
A Quick Response
Trying to remain calm, I reassured her, “Don’t worry, baby, I’m on my way. Don’t say anything to your dad.” I immediately got into my car and headed toward Dave’s place, my mind racing with worry. When I arrived, Dave seemed surprised to see me at the door.
“Claire, I wasn’t expecting you,” he said, clearly caught off guard.
“I hope you don’t mind me picking up Amy a little early this time,” I replied, trying to sound casual, though my anxiety was building. Dave didn’t argue; instead, he agreed without making a fuss.
I could tell something was off with him—he seemed distant, his mood tense. But I didn’t have time to figure it out. I had to find out what had scared Amy so much. She kissed her dad goodbye and got into the car, but the moment she shut the door, she started crying.
Amy’s Worry
“Mom, dad wasn’t acting like he usually does,” she sobbed. “He was talking to someone on the phone, and he was yelling so much. Then he slammed the door. I got scared, Mom.”
My heart broke for her, but I did my best to comfort her. “It’s okay, honey,” I said softly. “Daddy probably had a bad day, that’s all.” I held her close, feeling immense gratitude for the secret code word my mom had taught me all those years ago.
Talking to Dave
Later that evening, Dave called me to check on Amy. I decided it was time to explain why I had picked her up early. I told him that she had used our code word, which meant she felt scared and uncomfortable. I explained the concept of the code word to him, and he was genuinely remorseful.
“What’s a code word?” he asked, clearly surprised.
I explained it to him, and he apologized for raising his voice in front of Amy. “Things have been tough at work,” he admitted.
While I understood that, I was proud that Amy had been able to use the code word when she felt unsafe. It worked exactly as it was meant to.
A Lesson in Parenting
Looking back, I’m filled with gratitude for that small piece of advice my mother had given me when I was young. What started as a precautionary measure, something we hoped we’d never need, turned out to be a powerful tool in a real-life situation.
Amy’s use of the code word gave me a chance to step in and protect her when she needed it most. I’m grateful that my mother’s wisdom continues to help guide me in my own parenting. The code word wasn’t just a way to get out of tricky situations—it was a way to ensure that Amy always knew she had a safe, trusted adult to turn to, no matter what.
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