Introduction:
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, a transgender man from Los Angeles, shared his frustrations after being repeatedly misgendered by nurses during his pregnancy and childbirth. Despite identifying as male and using he/him pronouns, Kaspar-Williams, who now identifies as non-binary, was addressed as a “mother” instead of a “father.” His experience highlights the importance of respecting individuals’ gender identities, especially in sensitive situations like childbirth.
A Journey of Parenthood and Misgendering
In October 2020, Kaspar-Williams and his husband, Malik, welcomed their son Hudson into the world via cesarean section. Although Kaspar-Williams had been transitioning since 2014, with top surgery completed, he had not undergone any procedures related to his lower body. Despite his efforts to make his gender identity clear on medical forms, the staff continued to address him as a “mother” rather than a “father.”
“I specified my gender on the forms, but I was still misgendered repeatedly,” Kaspar-Williams shared, expressing his disappointment over the lack of respect for his identity during such an important moment.
A Transition and a Family Decision
Kaspar-Williams realized he was transgender in 2011, but it wasn’t until 2014 that he began transitioning. When he and his husband decided to start a family, they knew the process would involve pausing testosterone therapy so that Bennett’s ovaries could resume functioning. This decision was part of a thoughtful, careful plan to bring a child into their lives.
“We had only been trying for a short time, so we expected the process to take longer than it did,” Kaspar-Williams explained. After conceiving naturally, he found himself navigating not only the challenges of pregnancy but also the personal difficulty of being misgendered by medical staff.
Struggles with Misgendering and Dysphoria
The misgendering, Kaspar-Williams noted, was the most difficult part of his pregnancy. He explained that it was not the physical aspects of carrying a child that caused him distress, but rather the constant mislabeling by healthcare professionals. Even when he clarified his gender, the staff continued to use female pronouns and refer to him as “mom.”
“Every time I was addressed as ‘mom,’ it made me feel dysphoric,” Kaspar-Williams said. “Pregnancy and childbirth are so ingrained with traditional gender roles that it became hard to escape being misgendered.”
Challenging Traditional Notions of Motherhood
Kaspar-Williams’ experience sheds light on a significant issue—the way society often ties gender identity to the concept of motherhood. He believes that the healthcare system, particularly in America, has built its entire pregnancy framework around the notion of motherhood being inherently linked to womanhood. This connection, he argues, is not only outdated but also harmful.
“The institution of pregnancy care in America is centered around selling this idea of motherhood,” he said. “But not all women are mothers, not all mothers carry children, and not all people who carry children are mothers. We need to stop defining ‘womanhood’ in terms of ‘motherhood.’”
His call to disconnect these concepts is a plea for recognition of diverse family structures and the importance of respecting individual identities, particularly those of transgender and non-binary people.
The Importance of Respecting Identity
Through his journey, Kaspar-Williams hopes to encourage others to reconsider how gender identity is respected in all aspects of life, especially in medical settings. He emphasizes that individuals should not be assumed to conform to outdated norms just because of their biological sex.
As a father who carried his child and experienced the physical and emotional challenges of pregnancy, Kaspar-Williams believes it’s crucial that people are recognized for who they truly are. “It’s not about the body you were born with—it’s about how you define yourself,” he said.
A Growing Family and Advocacy
Today, Kaspar-Williams and Malik are parents to a 3-year-old son, Hudson, and continue to advocate for greater awareness and respect for non-binary and transgender parents. “We’re so lucky to be his parents,” Kaspar-Williams shared, reflecting on the joy his family brings him. His story highlights the importance of inclusivity and understanding for everyone, regardless of their gender identity.
Conclusion: Breaking Free from Gender Norms
Bennett Kaspar-Williams’ experience sheds light on the ongoing struggles faced by transgender and non-binary individuals, particularly when it comes to healthcare and societal expectations. His story challenges the outdated ideas of linking womanhood with motherhood and emphasizes the importance of respecting and acknowledging diverse gender identities.
As he continues to share his experiences, Kaspar-Williams hopes to pave the way for a more inclusive and understanding world where everyone’s identity is recognized and respected. Through his advocacy, he is making strides toward creating a future where gender identity is no longer a barrier to parenthood or any other aspect of life.
